Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘McDonald’s’

Ancient Times: The beginnings of the holiday started with a dissident tribe of pagans, later identified as a band of Republican Presidential Candidates.  At that time Hallmark cards were not able to use the modern techniques of printing such as inkjets and lasers.  Instead, the company used the blood of goats of dogs as primitive forms of ink.  To keep the locals unsuspicious of their capitalistic exploitation of the holiday they presented the dead animals as a sacrifice to Lupercalia.  Also the origins of dominatrix and sadomasochism are seen at this time when young men would use the hides to whip the infertile women of the town asking them, “Who’s yo’ daddy?”

Christianity: Now, let the pagans have their uncivilized fun and festivals, and who has to come along and ruin it? First, it was PETA blowing the whistle on animal cruelty.  Then it was the early Roman Catholic Church who was jealous that the most exciting holiday on their calendar was forty days of giving something up.  So, they adopted the holiday to have wild parties.  They gave the holiday the new name of St. Valentine’s Day.  Saint Valentine performed secret marriages and was known in certain Bishops’ circles as a master of Kama Sutra.  Later, he was sentenced to death for some oppressive reason.  Before his death he sent his lover a Wal-Mart Dilbert Card ($2.85) signed, “Your Valentine.”

Medieval: In medieval Europe, the people believed that the 14th of February was the day that birds selected their mates.  Hence the term “lovebirds.”  Wow, they sure were clever.  They couldn’t figure out how to cook meat, but they had time to think up witty phrases like, lovebirds.  The first card was officially sent at this time, a Hallmark fold out, ($3.50) from a prisoner in France.  The card was actually a cryptic message plotting his escape.  Unfortunately, the wife was flattered by the message of love and ignored the plan.  Later her husband was beheaded.

Victorian: Everything was mass-produced, and materialism killed the spirit of the holiday.  Oh the joys of the Industrial Revolution!  It turned the world into faceless masses, inspiring Ayn Rand novels, and in turn inspiring lots of college kids not to pursue a major in English.

Modern: Today children and lovers celebrate the holiday together.  Children give candy hearts either for the sugar high or a peck on the cheek behind Mrs. Weidlemeyer’s classroom.  On the other hand, lovers exchange chocolate hearts.  They become disillusioned, thinking that on that night, instead of performing the act of sex, they will delve into the art of making love.  Lovers fill every restaurant in town, leaving singles to make reservations even at the drive-thru line at McDonalds.

[author unknown]

lips-that-touch-liquor

Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine!

Read Full Post »

(From Yahoo! Fresh Picks by Sarah Fuss. See link below.)

My “two scoops won’t hurt and neither will these french fries” approach to eating doesn’t lend itself well to swimsuit season. Although the beach treks may have begun, there is time to make a change. So, let me have it. What’s that ice cream going to cost me in workout minutes?

To tell us is Charles Stuart Platkin, also known as the Diet Detective. He is the author of five books and and host of WE TV’s I Want To Save Your Life. Here is his report on what some of our chain-food favorites should cost us in time spent doing common exercises…

Note: Calorie content of foods are based on official website information at the time of publication. Minutes of exercise are averages based on a 155-pound person. The greater the weight of the person the more calories burned per minute.

DONUT
Dunkin Donuts Chocolate Frosted Donut (230 calories)
59 minutes of walking (3 mph).

BREAKFAST SANDWICH
McDonald’s Egg McMuffin (300 calories)
32 minutes of running (5 mph).

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE
Panera Chocolate Chipper (440 calories)
62 minutes of biking (10-11.9 mph).

PIZZA
Pizza Hut Large Hand-Tossed Style Cheese Pizza (1 slice; 320 calories)
39 minutes of swimming (slow to moderate laps).

CINNAMON ROLL
Starbucks Cinnamon Roll (500 calories, varies by location)
85 minutes of dancing.

HAMBURGER
Burger King Original Whopper With Cheese (770 calories)
94 minutes of swimming (slow to moderate laps).

Ben is an overachiever!

Ben is an overachiever!

BROWNIE
Au Bon Pain Chocolate Chip Brownie (380 calories).
129 minutes of yoga (Hatha style).

FRIES
Wendy’s Large French Fries (540 calories)
77 minutes of biking (10-11.9 mph).

ICE CREAM
Häagen-Dazs Vanilla Ice Cream (0.5 cup; 270 calories)
29 minutes of running (5 mph).

BURRITO
Taco Bell Burrito Supreme, Beef (410 calories)
70 minutes of dancing.

http://food.yahoo.com/blog/yahoofreshpicks/9960/what-chain-food-favorites-cost-in-exercise/

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: