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Posts Tagged ‘Food’

1.  Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately… Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat… Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year‘s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

[author unknown]

Please Be Safe

Please Be Safe

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Okra

Image via Wikipedia

Everything you always suspected but could never get confirmed by a reputable news source….


“The Shocking Truth About Okra!”  ©1987, 2007 by Joe Hickman, editor and Doctor of Okra.

It is a well-known fact that common garden insects will NOT eat okra.  Neither will uncommon garden insects.  That should tell you something.

Some say okra is a vegetable; others say it’s a fruit.  Most people can’t recall ever having said anything at all about okra.  Except possibly, “Are those legless geckos sleeping near my mashed potatoes?”

Even people who don’t eat okra may find it useful — for example, as a green plumb-bob for a vegetarian architect.

A pod of okra on a gold chain makes an excellent conversation piece.  You can tell everyone that’s it’s an Elk’s tooth — with plaque.

Okra can be boiled, fried, steamed, or pickled.  But no matter what you do to it, it still tastes exactly like okra.

Remember, boiled okra is so slippery, you may think you’re swallowing little green oysters.

Consuming fried okra north of the Mason-Dixon line is considered gastric perversion and may lead close friends to refer to you as “magnolia breath.”

You campers will be happy to hear that dried okra makes great bio-degradable tent stakes.

Please beware of the Great Okra Swindle.  Certain unethical supermarkets are painting okra yellow and attempting to sell it as miniature Peruvian bananas.  You can sure tell the difference in a banana pudding.

[author unknown]

DQ Sign:  cheesecake lizzards

DQ Sign: cheesecake lizzards

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I admit that I am not a big breakfast fan. Mainly, it is because I’m not a “morning person.”  I would much rather watch a sunset than a sunrise any day of the week.  I’ve gone to the trouble of excising all of those passages in my personal Bible that have anything to do with referring or suggesting “early in the morning will I seek Thee.”  I am certain that these passages must be later additions by some second century monkish insomniac.

That being said, when I am camping or backpacking, I do like breakfast. Having something warm to ingest on a cool morning is a prize worth the effort.  This is especially true if the day before you have worked hard to hike in to where you are camping with 30 or 40 pounds on your back.  Because a backpacker must carry all of his or her food, the breakfast choices are limited to lightweight meals – usually some type of oatmeal concoction for me.

I recently hiked above of Rosalyn, Washington, around Granite Mountain. Our first destination was a short and easy hike to Hyas Lake.  We found a campsite at the far end of the lake, making the trek in a little over three miles.  The trail is over gently sloping ground and was relatively easy except for the muddy places because of previous rains.  Plus, it was raining the day we started our backpack excursion.  Our goal was a four night, five day trip, up to Tuck Lake and then further up to Robin Lake.

After getting camp set up, my hiking buddy, Dan Tourangeau, and I attempted to get a fire going with wet wood.  I always carry fire starter sticks.  It took a couple of these paraffin fire starters, but we ultimately got a fire going.  Then the rain started to really pour down out of the sky.  It was only 7:30 pm, but I decided to turn in to my tent for the night.

When I woke the next morning, it was still a bit of a drizzly rain. I pulled out a packet of oatmeal and a packet of cocoa from my backpack.  All my camping gear is stored in a trunk, including extra food.  This makes it really easy to get ready for last-minute backpacking trips such as this one.  I simply pull down my backpack, open up my truck and choose my gear, and then collect the clothes I think I will need for that trip.  Simple.

I used my Coleman Peak-1 gas stove to make hot water. Poured the contents of my flavored oatmeal pack in to my backpacking cup and enjoyed.  Dan and I talked about the plans for the day.  His breakfast choice was one of those freeze-dried meals that one simply adds hot water to and lets sit for a few minutes.  After the specified time, one can enjoy steaming eggs and sausage for breakfast!  My breakfast was a little less exciting.  I looked enviously on Dan as he enjoyed his breakfast.

After finishing my one cup of oatmeal, I opened my cocoa pack, poured its contents in my cup and added hot water. The hot, sweet cocoa was perfect for such a morning as this.  I watched as Dan took out a pack of Starbucks‘ Viva instant coffee packs and made a cup of real, hot coffee.  I have to admit that a Starbucks’ coffee would have beaten my cup of cocoa any day of the week.

It was good to be out in the woods and backpacking again. I had not been on a packing trip in some years.  In fact, my meal packs, oatmeal, and cocoa packs were showing their age from sitting in the trunk for so long.  However, they seemed to have held up just fine.  Or so I thought…

Fall Colors and Berries, Pacific Crest Trail Beneath Mt. Daniels, September 2010

Fall Colors and Berries, Pacific Crest Trail Beneath Mt. Daniels, September 2010 ©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2010)

About half-way through my cup of cocoa I noticed “floaties.” This is not unusual when one uses a cup to first make oatmeal and then make cocoa without watching it in between uses.  Except that these particular floaties looked odd.  I looked closer into the cup.  There appeared to be about two dozen meal worms squirming around in the warm liquid that now filled only half my cup.  “What the…??” was my first thought.

I poured out my cocoa and checked my cup. There were a few dead meal worms still clinging to the bottom and the sides.  I went to my backpack and checked the plastic zip-lock bag that held my oatmeal and cocoa pouches.  It was full of meal worms!  There was an army of meal worms making their way around in my bag.

I reached in and took out each of the oatmeal packages. There were holes in the sides.  Meal worms crawled over them.  I took out the cocoa packages.  They did not seem to be damaged.  I surmised that this was probably because the cocoa packages were also foiled lightly.  The meal worms that ended up in my cocoa probably got there from the oatmeal.  A few probably took a ride on the cocoa package and fell off when I shook its contents into the cup.

I suddenly didn’t feel hungry at all. My stomach gurgled.  I called Dan over to see my discovery.  Dan started to dance around, shake, and jerk back and forth like a mother-hen who had just laid an egg.  I think he was trying to prevent a gag reflex from overtaking him.

I poured the contents of the oatmeal packs at the base of a tree. I also poured out and cleaned out the meal worms that were in the zip lock bag.  Hundreds of these creatures were now congregating at the base of the tree.  I did not realize that so many little creatures could be all in such a small confined space.  How did they get in there?  Where did they come from?  Have they been hibernating these many years only to come out now to ruin my breakfast?

Mealworms nestled in a bedding of bran within ...

Image via Wikipedia

We continued our backpacking trip. My breakfasts were going to be much leaner for the next few days.  But thatFall Colors and Berries, Pacific Crest Trail Beneath Mt. Daniels, September 2010 was all right.  I was not going to feel like eating breakfast for a while.  One thing is for certain, those meal worms provided the extra protein I needed to make it to Tuck Lake that day.

As we packed up our gear to head up to the next lake, Dan and I returned to the tree that I had feed the meal worms to earlier that morning before hitting the trail.  To our amazement, hundreds of meal worms were attempting to wiggle or crawl their way up the side of the tree.  We both stood watching amazed.  Dan looked at me and shook all over again.  “Hey,” I said.  “My breakfast protein was fresher than yours!”  Dan shook and did a little dance as he headed down the trail.  “Well,” I thought to myself.  “I never did like breakfast anyway.”

©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2010)

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Calorie Chapel by Gayle D. Erwin

1. The Old Testament was filled with feasts:
A. They had at least one feast every month
B. Three of those feasts lasted at least a week
C. God set up the feast system
D. God commanded that the feasts be filled with joy

2. When Jesus came He was accused of being a glutton…
A. That surely meant that he had a weight problem, since no one that you know of who was skinny was ever accused of being a glutton.
B. Most of the gospel of John was written around a table.
C. The family of Jesus (in Mark chapter 3) thought he had gone crazy because he was not eating his lunch.

3. What did Jesus leave us to remember him by?
A. Food! Bread and wine.
B. Jesus became angry only a few times. One time was when he was hungry and a fig tree, though well leaved, did not yield any fruit. It made him angry enough to kill the tree.

4. After the Resurrection, every time you see Jesus, what is he doing? Eating!
A. Right after he appeared to the scared Apostles hidden in a room and told them not to fear, he asked them if they had anything to eat. Luke 24:41 And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, “Do you have anything here to eat?” Luke 24:42 They gave him a piece of broiled fish, Luke 24:43 and he took it and ate it in their presence.
B. The two men on the road to Emmaus did not even recognize Jesus until He sat down to eat. Then they said, “Now we know you.”

5. The Early Church had only a few constant habits–items that would readily identify them. Eating together was one of them. Acts 2:46 “Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts.”

6. How is Heaven going to begin? A feast–the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.

7. In Revelation 3:20 Jesus said, “Behold I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice I will come in to him and sup with him and he with me.”

Could it be that these Biblical revelations form the basis on a new doctrine?

Happy with Lard

Happy with Lard

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Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.”

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on – this time on the right feet.

He then announced, “These aren’t my boots.”

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, “Why didn’t you say so?” like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said, “They’re my brother’s boots. My Mom made me wear ’em.”

Now she didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, “Now, where are your mittens?” He said, “I stuffed ’em in the toes of my boots.”

Her trial starts next month.

[author unknown]

Gerber Picante Sauce

Gerber Picante Sauce

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What’s For Easter Dinner?

Something that has plagued me since…well, I cannot remember really…has to do with the American traditional Easter meal.  Why do we serve ham?  Virtually everyone I know serves an “Easter Ham” for dinner on this special occasion.  I find it a curious practice and tradition, especially among Christians.

The Christian celebration of Easter coincides with the Jewish Passover.  It commemorates the suffering, death, and resurrection of Jesus the Messiah.  It reflects the same salvation story that Jewish people to this day tell concerning their deliverance from Egypt into the Promised Land.  Before Jesus’ crucifixion, on the same night that he was betrayed, Jesus celebrated the Passover meal with his disciples.  It was also an eerie portent of what he was about to go through as the Paschal lamb of God for the sins of the world.

So, why ham?  Is it some kind of Gentile celebration set against the Jewish celebration?  Was it first established as a way for Gentiles to poke their thumb in the eye of Jews?  Think about it.  Of all the un-Jewish meats to serve near the Passover – ham?  Why ham?  Did it start out as a protest of sorts against a contrived Jewish conspiracy?  Was it meant as an overt insult to Jews and Muslims?  Does anyone else find this a fascinating query or is just me all alone out here?

The most often given explanation given to me when I’ve asked friends is that it is a tradition – pure and simple.  Suddenly, Gentiles sounds like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof:  “Tradition!”  Well, how did that come about in the first place?  There is definitely no connections with the original celebration surrounding Easter and Passover.

A quick search of the history and origins of eating ham at Easter turns up some interesting suggestions that seem very plausible.  It seems that as Christianity developed and further divorced itself from its Jewish roots and heritage, it embraced the customs and traditions of the Gentile cultures it was introduced to in the middle ages.  This is true of most Christian holidays: Lent, Easter, Halloween, and Christmas.

Can you say, “syncretism”? A dictionary definition of “syncretism” is, “the combination of different forms of belief or practice” or “ the fusion of two or more originally different inflectional forms.”  Missiologist often use this word in reference to places and cultures where Christianity has adopted non-Christian beliefs, values, and practices.  Could this be applied to what we eat at Easter?  I will let the theologians and missiologists wrestle with that question.

Sea Anemone, Barnacles, and Muscles, June 2003

Sea Anemone, Barnacles, and Muscles, June 2003 ©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2010)

In my search for answers, two basic ideas come out of the reason ham became the meat of choice at Easter.  One was a practical consideration.  Traditionally, animals were slaughtered in the fall and preserved for winter use by smoking or salting.  When Spring arrived, marked by the vernal equinox, a celebration ensued and the last of the winter meat was eaten.  In eastern and northern Europe, the meat of choice was pork since the pig had been domesticated early in human history.  It was also the easiest meat to preserve for long periods of time.

The other reason has pagan spiritual reasons.  In Europe, the pig was considered a “good luck” symbol.  Eating pork in the spring was a way of celebrating getting through the long winter and the anticipation of another good year of harvests and abundant new livestock, especially pigs. Maybe it was just good luck to have anything left over from winter to eat in the spring.  I do not really know, but it seems likely given the harsh living conditions of European humans in the middle ages.

Of course, the pagan roots of the Easter Bunny, Easter eggs, Egg hunts, and Easter candy have been argued for many, many years.  Its connection with the pagan goddess Oestre, Eastre, Ostara or Ishtar has already been pointed out. (Which is a reason I prefer to avoid calling the day “Easter Sunday” or “Easter” but “Resurrection Sunday” or “Resurrection Day”.)  However, I have never heard anyone mention any problem with the Easter Ham.  It is curious to me since it seems to be so forthrightly anti-Semitic.

It turns out, that most of the world celebrates Easter by eating lamb.  So, Americans and northern Europeans are in a minority.  Since America has heavy influential roots stemming back to northern Europe, this should not surprise us.  It seems we brought our pagan religious practices with us – properly syncretized to Christianity, of course.  So, how do you like your ham cooked?

©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2010)

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Lutefisk Lessons

When the holidays come around, my mind immediately wanders back to the days our family gathered around my grandparent’s dining room table with a huge plate of steaming lutefisk set upon it.  My grandmother was from German descent, but my grandfather came directly from Sweden as a young boy.  So, my grandmother learned to cook the Scandinavian fish delicacy for the family.  We always ate it on potatoes with white gravy.  That is just the way it came.  I was told that it was because we are Swedes and that it was the only proper way to eat it.

My grandfather, Walter, took pride in finding lutefisk fresh in the Ballard, Washington, markets.  Ballard is a city just north of the city of Seattle, across the Lake Union canal, and sports more than its fair-share of Pacific Northwest Scandinavians.  My grandmother, Evelyn, took pride in complimenting the seasonal foods with all things Scandinavian – yulekake, krumkake, rosettes, lefsa, and kringla.

Now, lutefisk lovers all over the world have suffered ridicule at the hands of non-lutefisk eaters.  I do not know why there is such animosity towards us.  So, to better garner mutual understanding and perhaps greater dialogue on such culinary subjects, I offer below the recipe for cooking lutefisk from “Our Favorite Grange Recipes,” which was compiled and edited by the Home Economics Committee of the California State Grange with Gladys True as Chairperson and printed in 1965 by the Record of Yolo County:

  • Clean thoroughly and place in a wooden bowl or pail.
  • Add water to cover and set in a cool place for 5 to 6 days.  Change water each day.
  • Remove fish and thoroughly clean wooden bowl.
  • Make a solution of water, lime, and ashes and allow to stand overnight.
  • Drain off clear liquid and pour over soaked fish.  Set in a cool place for 7 days.
  • When fish is soft, remove from solution, scrub bowl well and soak fish for several days in cold clear water.
  • Cook in boiling salted water at simmering temperature for about 20 minutes.
  • Drain well and serve.

NOTE:  The Norwegians serve the fish with melted butter; the Swedes serve it with white or mustard sauce.  Allow 1/3 pound per person.

And that is just for the first piece of lutefisk!  Two things are made very, very clear when reading this recipe.  First, preparing and cooking lutefisk takes a lot of forethought and planning.  There is a good three weeks before one could eat this delicacy.  Also, I would like to humbly point out, this obviously takes a higher than average level of intelligence.  Secondly, at the end of the process, the cook has a very clean bowl.

I have recently lived in another lutefisk eating haven of North America. It is the Red River Valley of the North.  The beautiful thing about living there is that virtually every truck stop and restaurant serves lutefisk for the holidays.  Why, one could eat out at a different restaurant every night of the week from Thanksgiving until Christmas and have lutefisk every night!  It is obvious that this truly is the place of “Walhalla” – “the valley of the gods.”  These people are blessed.  Truly blessed by the divine.

Walhalla, Pembina Gorge, North Dakota

Walhalla, Pembina Gorge, North Dakota ©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2009)

I consider myself to be a fortunate man to have such a rich heritage and life experience.  I am thankful that I live in the United States of America.  This is a rich and bountiful land filled with people from all over the world.  These holidays allow us to give thanks and celebrate the religious background that helped us attain such blessings.

However, if you are like me, as we enter into the holiday seasons, it is much too easy in the hustle and bustle to forget that gratitude and appreciation should be the greatest marks of the season.  Somehow this gets lots in the midst of frantic Christmas shopping, Thanksgiving meal planning and cooking, company Christmas parties, family gatherings, and decorating.  The greatest challenge to all of us is to not let the overindulgence of our materialistic society numb us to all that we are blessed with in this world.  I want to gently caution you as I remind myself:  Do not forfeit your future as collateral for fulfillment today with material goods that fade so quickly away into a closet, storage unit or Goodwill bin.

Americans seem to think that God will wink at our gluttony and overindulgent materialism in the face of the rest of the world’s needs.  I think we are wrong.  I believe we will be judged as a nation by how we treat the hungry, poor, naked and immigrant in the rest of the world.  Our expanded waistlines as well as overstuffed closets and storage units testify against us like the blood of Abel crying out from the ground.  How can we have and enjoy so much when so many have so little?

I want to challenge all my friends to consider the food you eat and the things you purchase in light of eternity and your eternal reward.  My family, for example, gave Christmas money this year to Gospel for Asia to help purchase a goat for a needy family.  This goat will provide milk and cheese for a long time.  We did this to remind ourselves how blessed we truly are in this world.  There are plenty of local and global ministries that help the poor and downtrodden.  I would recommend visiting the website adventconspiracy.org to get more ideas.  I challenge you to remember these ministry efforts in your giving during this season.  Remember what Jesus said, “In as much as you have done it to the least of these, you have done it unto me”.  Now, there is something that will last much longer than three-week old soaked lutefisk.

©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2009)

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