Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Father’s Day Humor’

10. “Honey, you mind changing the channel?”

9. “How ’bout a watermelon seed-spitting contest? You first.”

8. “You think this is bad. I remember that time I broke my leg ….”

7. “I don’t see how you can stand to lie there and do nothing all day.”

6. “Careful, Dear. Those are my piano playing fingers.”

5. “I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream! Heh heh heh.”

4. “Smell this sandwich. I think the mayonnaise is old.”

3. “I don’t know, Honey. Those epidurals are awful expensive.”

2. “Knock, knock ….”

1. “Eeek!  Some of those colors are not in the crayon box.”

[author unknown]

Machine No Brain

Machine No Brain

Read Full Post »

Monday A.M.
Dearest: Sleep late.  Everything under control.  Lunches packed.  Kids off to school.  Menu for dinner planned.  Your lunch is on a tray in refrigerator: fruit cup, finger-sandwiches.  Thermos of hot tea by bedside.  See you around six.

Tuesday A.M.
Honey: Sorry about the egg rack in the refrigerator.  Hope you got back to sleep.  Did the kids tell you about the Coke I put in the Thermoses?  The school might call you on this.  Dinner may be a little late.  I’m doing your door-to-door canvass for Breast Cancer Research.  Your lunch is in refrigerator.  Hope you like leftover chili.

Wednesday A.M.
Dear Doris: Why in the name of all that is sane would you put soap powder in the flour canister!  If you have time, could you please come up with a likely spot for Chris’s missing shoes?  We’ve checked the clothes hamper, garage, back seat of the car and wood box.  Did you know the school has a ruling on bedroom slippers?  There’s some cold pizza for you on a napkin in the oven drawer.  Will be late tonight.  Driving eight Girl Scouts to tour a meatpacking house.

Thursday A.M.
Doris: Don’t panic over water in hallway.  It crested last night at 9 P.M.  Will finish laundry tonight.  Please pencil in answers to following:
1. How do you turn on the garbage disposal?
2. Why would that rotten kid leave his shoes in his boots?
3. How do you remove a Confederate flag inked on the palm of a small boy’s forehead?
4. What do you do with leftovers when they begin to snap at you when you open the refrigerator door?  I don’t know what you’re having for lunch!  Surprise me.

Friday A.M.
Hey: Don’t drink from pitcher by the sink.  Am trying to restore pink dress shirt to original white.  Take heart.  Tonight, the ironing will be folded, the house cleaned and the dinner on time.  I called your mother.

[author unknown]

Dog Guardians

Dog Guardians

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: