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Posts Tagged ‘Family Comedy’

  1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
  2. I will believe my owners when they tell me that the garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
  3. I will not suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
  4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
  5. I will shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
  6. I will not eat the cats’ food…before OR after they eat it.
  7. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
  8. I will not throw up in the car.
  9. I will not roll on dead things: seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  10. I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poo.
  11. I will resolve to remember that “Kitty box crunchies” are not food.
  12. I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
  13. I will stop acting like the diaper pail is my very own cookie jar.
  14. I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
  15. I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.
  16. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
  17. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.
  18. I will remember that we do not have a doorbell.
  19. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
  20. I will not steal my Mom’s underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
  21. I will not treat the sofa as a face towel or Mom & Dad’s laps.
  22. I will remember that my head does not belong in the refrigerator.
  23. I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s license and car registration.

[author unknown]

Funny Santa Cartoon

Funny Santa Cartoon

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‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage “Some Assembly Required.”

The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie‘s town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat….
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can’t get it right, it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!

Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand.”
Honey,” said hubby, “you just glued my hand.”
And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact

To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With “assembly required” till morning’s first light.
We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.

The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.
Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.

But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
Tomorrow we’ll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!

We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there’s something to say for those self-deluded…
I’d forgotten that batteries are never included!

[author unknown]

Merry Alien Christmas

Merry Alien Christmas

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I roared with laughter when I received this from a friend in Washington State.  It’s too much!

Mail Man Male Box

Mail Man Male Box

I love humor that pokes fun at our humanness, even if it takes it to the edge. If you can’t laugh at yourself and life around you, then life will take you down.  Comedy and laughter is our way of laughing in the face of life.  I can appreciate Hawkeye’s sense of humor in the old T.V. sitcom M.A.S.H. Faced with such incredible tragedy, suffering and futility, his humor helped to keep him sane and face each day.

Some people take their self too seriously. This gives to them an overly important view of their self and their life and the part they play in the world.  However, a proper perspective of our lives will reveal that at the end of the day “from dust we came and to dust we will return.”  Someone put it into perspective when they commented that “After people attend your funeral, they will go back to the church basement (or home) and eat potato salad.”  In other words, life will go on.  Babies will be born, children will go to school, birthdays will continue and memories of us will fade.  We will be the lucky ones if anything we have done warrants a mention in a newspaper article (besides the obit) or a chapter in a book.

Humor and laughter helps put us in our place.  We realize that we are frail.  Life is but smoke and mirrors.  Soon our imprint upon earth will fade away and the impressions we made upon people’s lives will slowly dissipate like a morning mist to the Sun.  Humor and laughter lets us laugh at life’s futility and enjoy the existential moment of our existence.  It helps us to be fully present and alive in every way.  To lose it is to lose our way and forget what we are and what we, in the end, will become.

Even in the face of tragedy, we can find humor and discover laughter. This is probably what Hawkeye discovered the most in the M.A.S.H. unit in Korea.  It is not so much irreverence for the seriousness of the moment but bravery; like spitting in the face of your meanest adversary, it looks horror in the eye and laughs in derision.  “You cannot hurt me!  You cannot touch me!”

I remember a friend telling me about the last time he saw his mother alive. She had been very ill with cancer.  The nurses were getting ready to wheel her into the surgery room.  As he watched his mother being wheeled away, neither one knowing that this would be their last moment together, she turned to him with a smile in her eye and…stuck her tongue out at him, then smiled as she disappeared through the double doors.  She would not make it through surgery.  However, he appreciated having that last moment between his mom and him.  She could always find the good, the humor, the laughter in life.

Humor and laughter awake in us the joy of living in the moment.  It enables us to continue life’s journey with strength and poise.  It says to the world, “I know I’m not here long.  But what time I do have I will live in strength and joy.  I will laugh at your attempts to pull me down.  I will laugh at my own frailties and foibles because I know who I am.  In the end, it is I who will have the last laugh.  There is One greater than you or me who will come for me.”

A few years ago, we buried my grandmother, Beulah Stalnaker. According to her family plans and her wishes, she had been cremated.  A small but beautiful memorial service was held in her honor.  A day or so later, at a family graveside service next to where grandpa Stalnaker was buried, we committed her ashes to the ground.  Grandma loved ice cream.  So, someone suggested we go to a local ice cream parlor for some ice cream treats.  As the family was departing the graveyard, the little old undertaker, who had waited patiently while during the final good-byes, was pushing the dirt in the hole that was made to receive grandmother’s ashes before we were even off the property.  As we headed out the gate the family members watched as he jumped up and down on my grandmother’s burial plot to set the sod back in place!  Instead of being horrified, everyone laughed.  They were still laughing over their ice cream a half hour later.  This was no chuckles.  These were side splitting guffaws!

Well, perhaps our family is a little unusual after all. However, laughter and joy suits us well.  It is probably one reason my life’s missions statement is “to finish strong and finish laughing”.  I’m hoping that after my funeral or graveside service, people go back to the church basement or homes and laugh so hard with memories we’ve had together that they blow potato salad out their noses.

©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2009)

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