Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Confession’

Relationship Scarring

It is impossible to go through life without ending up with scars from relationships. The fact that we wound at all is a testament to our humanity.  The fact that we are often as much the deliverers of scars as the receivers of scars speaks loudly to our own brokenness.  Children are scarred by parents.  Siblings grow up leaving scars upon one another.  Co-workers and bosses leave wounds that can range from minor paper-cut like ones to major open, seeping wounds.

Not all scarring from relational squabbles is the same. Minor ones leave their mark as do major ones.   All of them leave a lasting memory and reminder of a battle won or lost.  It seems that the closer the relationships, the deeper and longer lasting the wound and subsequent scar left behind.  Likewise, everyone deals with their relationship wounds in different ways.  Some people are more resilient and successful than others; while the others languish under memories and unforgiveness.

It may come across as naive, but it seems that people expect fellow Christians to never leave a wound or scar upon others, particularly other believers. So, when this does occur, the surprise and hurt go deep.  There is an expectation that “christians” will somehow exhibit a perfected humanity that is devoid of any ability to wound or scar with words, actions or attitudes.  This is far from the case.

The other day I was listening to a fellow believer share the story of their spiritual journey. Raised in a religiously strict, legalistic home, this person was not able to do anything “worldly;” which included among other things going to movies, playing billiards, bowling, attending dances or associating with anyone who did such things.  When this individual finally left home, they discovered a whole different world of Christian beliefs and practices.  It caused them quite a personal identification crisis.

The biggest problem for this individual, however, was not with the particular Christian expression with which they grew up. Instead, it was the readily apparent hypocrisy that was witnessed among parents, established church members and church leadership.  They could spout the doctrines of the faith, display a modicum of religious behavior and then turn right around and speak evil of one another, attack leadership and hold others in disdain.  Spiritual knowledge was greater than the spiritual fruit of the Holy Spirit.

Once liberated from their past, the person who shared their story with me expressed the joy of being able to work with other Christians. Seeing how others worshipped and practiced their faith gave a new perspective.  Unfortunately, the story shared with me included many places in the journey where terrible wounds were left by those in church leadership positions.  I felt the pain expressed.  I sensed the hurt and frustration over those that anyone would expect better behavior from in spiritual leadership.  I also knew that any such expectations were wholly unrealistic.

Hot Rod, Cool Desert Nights, Richland, Washington, June 2009

Hot Rod, Cool Desert Nights, Richland, Washington, June 2009

We are a people of clay feet who follow the leadership of individuals with clay feet. We are a community of broken and wounded sheep who follow broken and wounded leaders.  This is all the more reason that love, acceptance and forgiveness should be the hallmarks of such communities.  Too often these qualities are absent in order to protect the appearance of spiritual perfection.  In the presence of such spiritual “perfection,” one is deemed an authority and a leader, regardless of true inward character.

Too often, what happens behind the closed doors of church offices between staff or at the board meetings or membership meetings of the congregation becomes the place where wounds are given and received. Instead of being the sanctuaries they are touted to be, they become torture chambers of spiritual abuse.  I have personal experiences with those meetings.  Unfortunately, I also have too many friends who have either left ministry or left church altogether because of the stinging scars they still nurse.

The ironic answer to all this lies within the very thing that causes us to hand out scars to others like Boy Scout or Girl Scout badges. It lies in our brokenness.  It is our brokenness within ourselves, towards others and towards God that fails us and causes us to fail others.  Like broken pottery, the shards of our life lie hidden until someone steps upon them or touches them.  Then we leave a wound.

At the same time, our brokenness holds the answer for all of us. Instead of attempting to hold up perfected lives before others to see and applaud, we would be better off acknowledging our broken places.  Instead of playing to our strengths to lord it over others, we would do better to lead and influence from our own woundedness.  Instead of attempting to portray a community of victors and overcomers who have no problems, we would serve ourselves and others better by admitting that we are a community of confessors and repenters.

I am not advocating for a fellowship of moaners and complainers who go around with sullen faces.  I am not suggesting that defeatism and spiritual poverty become the Christian model for spirituality. We have already been down that road before with the Puritans, Quakers and Pietists.  What I am suggesting is a spiritual formation and communal journey that includes a spiritual “sunshine policy.”  A “sunshine policy” is one that allows light upon a situation so that everyone knows what is going on.  It demands honesty, integrity, truthfulness, accountability, and openness.

This approach, of course, offers no guarantee against relationship scarring even among Christians. However, it does offer a more transparent way of healing our self-inflicted wounds upon the body of Christ.  This is much better than just moving from church to church or getting rid of staff for unexplainable reasons.  In this I readily acknowledge that because I am in community with and being led by broken individuals, I cannot expect to never be wounded.  Nor can I expect that I will never deliver a wound because I, too, am broken.  As such, I do understand that continuing in this community will require me to extend love, grace and mercy to others, just as they extend it towards me.

We are not called to lives of perfection on this side of eternity. We do not have the right to expect to come through this life unscarred and unwounded.  God in Christ Jesus gave us the model for dealing with sin and forgiveness.  Only through love, grace and mercy can the relationship scars we receive and deliver become the marks of true spiritual community.

©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2010)

Read Full Post »

There is a highly significant relationship between the ability of a Christian or church body to demonstrate love and overall spiritual health.   Ask yourself how you are doing in demonstrating love to others.  I am not talking about how you are doing at “feeling” loving toward others.  I am addressing how we are at “doing” loving things for others.  Biblical love is always other focused.

I challenge you to look at all the ‘one another’ passages of the New Testament.  You will find that the church is called to love, serve, encourage, forgive, restore, help, build up, and be at peace with ‘one another.’  This is a huge challenge.  It is our sinful human nature to meet our own needs first.  Even in loving, often the focus on whether we “feel” love or loving toward others.  This is just another deceptively simple form of self-gratification.  The focus is upon me and my feelings instead of another’s needs.

The Biblical definition of love is fruit, action, and deed.  The secular concept of love as a feeling which overwhelms you (if you’re lucky) and may disappear is unbiblical and counterfeit.  Held up for us to measure ourselves against is the love of God expressed in the sacrifice of Jesus, his son, upon the cross for our sins.  We are reminded in the New Testament that we have done nothing to deserve God’s love.  In fact, before we were lovable or could even return our love to him, he loved us first.  He initiated this relationship and invitation by serving us – washing our feet, healing our wounds, and paying all the costs to buy us our freedom from slavery to Satan and sin.

As loved-ones, he now asks us to love others in the same manner and way in which he loved us.  This goes far beyond mere sentimentality or sympathy.  It digs deep into costly actions that display a patient and gracious love.  The world is dying to see this kind of love displayed.  Where it is displayed, it transforms lives and cultures.  The truth of the matter is – unfeigned, practical love has a divinely generated magnetic power far more effective than any formal evangelistic program, which depends almost entirely upon verbal communication.  People do not want to hear us talk about love; they want to experience how Christian love really works!

This will require us to step out of our comfort zones at times.  It will mean looking past our close circle of relationships and work to include others who are unknown or new to us.  It will mean making time for one another.  It will mean doing loving actions far beyond my capacity to evoke loving feelings.

This means for most of us that we must confess the sin of being too busy.  We have pushed the margin on the limits of our time and energies so that we cannot do what Jesus would do in our world, our church, and our home.  Biblical love is a commitment to be a person with a high love quotient that includes and serves others.

Orchid, Cancun, Mexico, Summer 2003

Orchid, Cancun, Mexico, Summer 2003 ©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2010)

In the Christian community we call the Church, it will mean extending forgiveness, grace, and mercy toward others in the body of Christ to the same extent and measure that I have received it from my Heavenly Father.  This will challenge us toward long-suffering and gentleness to keep the bonds of peace and unity even when we have been wronged, hurt, or taken offense at someone else’s thoughtless actions or words.

Through such a community that actively displays such forbearance in its love; the world will be attracted to the message of Jesus.  It is only then that his life, ministry, and message take on a real quality that cannot be refuted.  After all, Jesus said, “They will know you by your love for one another.”  He was not just talking about people witnessing the good feelings that Christians have for one another, but the self-sacrificing serving love that cares for the least, last, and lost among us.  Then they will know that we really are followers of Christ.

©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2010)

Read Full Post »

Celebrating Freedom

A pastor went for a walk and came upon a group of about a dozen young boys between 10 and 12 years of age.  The group surrounded a dog.  Concerned that the boys were tormenting the dog, he went over and asked, “What are you doing with the dog?”  One of the boys replied, “This dog is just an old stray.  We all want him, but only one of us can take him home.  So, we’ve decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog.”

Of course, the Reverend was taken aback.  “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed.  He then launched into a ten-minute sermon against lying ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie!”  Well, there was dead silence for about a minute.  Then, just as the pastor was beginning to think he’d gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, “All right, give him the dog.”

Sin is a part of all of us – even the best of us.  No one is immune to its effects.  We cannot escape its history in our past or its threat to our futures.  However, God set in motion a plan to set prisoners to sin free from its entanglements and death sentence.  This is a plan for everyone, no matter the depth or shallowness of sin in which one is caught.  The plan was completed through Christ’s death on the cross and victory over death and the grave in his resurrection.

Jesus came to set the prisoner to sin’s addictions and bondages free.  Freedom starts when we begin to acknowledge the truth and live by it:  “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31, 32, NIV).  The truth he calls us to hold to is God’s plan to rescue humankind from their sin condition through his death and resurrection.  This truth sets us free not only from sin but also from its effects – guilt, condemnation, shame, disgrace, blame, and remorse among many others.

Pink Rose, Bush House Gardens, Salem, Oregon, 2009

Pink Rose, Bush House Gardens, Salem, Oregon, 2009 ©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2010)

There is only one answer for freedom from sin’s hold upon a human being and that is in Jesus’ death and resurrection.  Our world tries to sell us on self-improvement, self-actualization, self-control, and self-realization.  We have been too often duped into thinking that the world and its guru’s have the answer.  But listen to what the psalmist tries to tell us:  “Don’t put your life in the hands of experts who know nothing about life, of salvation life.  Mere humans don’t have what it takes; when they die, their projects die with them.  Instead, get help from the God of Jacob, put your hope in GOD and know real blessing!”  (Psalm 146, The Message)

Everything we need to be victorious in this life is provided for us in what Jesus did on the cross and in His resurrection.  There is nothing more that we need, and nothing we need to do, but to freely accept it and apply it to our lives by following the way of Jesus everyday.  That is why Jesus said, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be [completely] free indeed” (John 8:36, NIV).

The true Christian lifestyle celebrates the freedom we have in Christ from our sinful past and sin’s threat to our future.  We can live everyday free from sin’s domination and damnation.  How?  Paul said, “Count yourselves dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus . . . offer yourselves to God . . . as instruments of righteousness” (Ro. 6:11, 13, NIV).  “Now that you have been set free from sin [by Christ’s death upon the cross and resurrection from the grave] and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (6:22, 23, NIV).

Whatever moral failure is in your past, the devil will keep throwing it in your face.  However, God saw everything you did.  He wants you to know that he loves you in spite of your actions and that he will forgive you if you will only ask him.  There is no sin too great that disqualifies you from this offer.  There is no sin too small that is disqualified from the need of his forgiving and cleansing act through Jesus Christ.

A confessed sin is a forgiven sin.  You can be free from the awful bondage of repeating your past, fearing your future or even death!  Live everyday to celebrate the freedom that Christ bought for you with his own life.  Live a life that worships God and praises him for freedom from sin’s captivity.  Be free.

©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2010)

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: